I never know anymore. I never know how I feel and if I do I have a hard time figuring out why I feel a certain way. I am a hazard to myself and to others. For too short a time I was doing the right things. Growing from the old maria into the maria I wanted to become. The old maria must feel threatened by the new maria and so she suffocates her in the night and she is lost over and over again. Like a life saving scar. Until there are so many scars that the body becomes ugly and although the life is saved the scars are only reminders of how much work was needed to keep that person alive. And that person doesn't appreciate it so there are more scars. The only hope is that the creator can salvage what's left of someone who once had so much potential.
I felt something similar once... And then i had a dream about me killing my old self. It was bloody and violent, but it felt oh so good. I woke up in a victorious buzz and felt more free than ever. If you want to hear the details of the dream you should come here. When are you coming? I want to see you, i don't like having contact via technical stuff.
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